Fake It Til You Make It | The Confidence Illusion

fake it til you make it

“Fake it til you make it.”

I’m sure you’ve all heard this quote before. Aside from the fact that it’s all juiced up with positive energy (sorta, I mean it says you do in fact make it), it still has some naked quality of negativity. So does “fake it til you make it” work?

fake it til you make it

Fake it til you make it.

Alright, you’ve got my attention. Now what?

Let’s focus on the words “fake it” for now. Essentially what you’re doing is pretending. Whether it be pretending how you feel, what you like, and – depending how far down the rabbit hole you are – who you are. Following through with this end, it doesn’t really feel that good deep down. Sure, on the surface, you’re putting on a mask on what’s really going on. For some, this can exude confidence, but in reality all it is is a scapegoat. It’s a temporary relief, or even an illusion. You’re just running away from the problem and letting it build up.

fake it til you make it

Fake it til you make it.

Alright, you’ve decided to fake it, but until how long? Til you make it can be anywhere from a few minutes to maybe even years. How does this affect you? It could be extremely stressful, tiring, or surprisingly enough it could be easy. Once you’ve opted for this “safety net” plan of faking it til you make it, you kind of get good at pretending. Sometimes, so much so that you tend to believe everything’s okay. You can literally convince yourself that it’s true.

fake it til you make it

Fake it til you make it.

Congratulations, after all that faking, waiting, and convincing you’ve finally made it! But now what? More cases out of none, you feel empty or unsatisfied. Aside from the mere fact that it’s exhausting, it’s kind of hard to come to the conclusion that you can either let the facade go since it’s over, or you’ll have to parade around keeping it alive. Usually if you fake it once, you fake it again til you make it, again. It eventually turns into a cycle. Then you come to realize that it’s not really worth it.

fake it til you make it

What do I do?

Funnily enough, I’ve found myself at this stage, which I why I wanted to share it with all of you. I’ve come to the point where the “fake it til you make it” mindset stopped carrying its allure and I just feel shittier than I did before. I’ve mentioned before about unraveling my security blanket by opening up about Depression, so it should come as no surprise that I find myself falling into one again. This can sorta explain my absence from writing, once more. Sorry, I tend to do that a lot. But anyway, lately I’ve just been so tired of holding up this facade. And it seems to be cracking anyway, because my emotions keep trying to find ways to escape and pour through.

fake it til you make it

If you’ve come to see the world through rose colored glasses, take them off.

Okay, in this case it’s black colored glasses – but you get the point! Take off your shield and see for the first time. Truly see what all this is doing and if it’s really worth the mess or pile up after. I think not. You’re providing more stress later on and usually 9 out of 10 times, you don’t address it until you have no choice and you’re falling apart because the world suddenly caves in unexpectedly. Start to pay more attention to your feelings and make sure you’re allowing yourself the time and pacing to get through everything. It’s better to address things as they come then to wait until you have a whole mountain to climb over or dig through.

fake it til you make it

SMILE

Smiles are contagious so I hope I did some justice to translate one to you. Smiling can make you feel better and it’s so funny because I think that the “fake it til you make it” mindset applies. How ironic and hypocritical right? And that’s how it all starts. Maybe it’s an embedded cycle. But anyway, I hope you find yourself smiling for the right reasons and that it’s genuine. There’s nothing like feeling a weight get lifted off you. So here I am to tell you, “Stop doing this to yourself!” and I hope you all listen… myself included. Remember to take time to breathe and pay attend to things that matter most. You’ll be much happier. Mind over matter.

Inspiration for this post: In case you guys were wondering what sparked this post, aside from myself following the “fake it til you make it” ordeal, I caught an article on Facebook referring back to a story called The Girl with the Green Ribbon. It’s basically this story about a girl named Jenny who essentially faked it til she made it, lived out a whole life with this green ribbon on her neck. By the time she was old and was essentially dying, we (and her husband Alfred) discover the reason behind it. No spoilers here, but it’s crazy that she legit faked it til she made it. Hah!!!

with love jenn hanftGet the look:
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28 comments

  1. I love that you share your thoughts on a mindset that is so popular and adopted by so many! I admit in a certain it can help you get to where you want to but it can become such a heavy thing! In the end staying true to yourself always wins! Now i want to read more about this story on facebook haha

    Bisous, Josie
    http://www.petiteandbold.com

  2. I fake it all the time. I think after a while you actually start believe in it and everything falls to place. We all go through phases and ruts but I’m glad you are self aware and able to get out of it!

  3. This was such an excellently-written post, gorgeous. I think I’ve lived behind this concept for so much of my life, it’s like my mask is glued to my face now, but every once in a while, someone has the nerve to pull it off, or I willingly melt it down and show the way I’m really feeling, and sometimes that feels the best! My boyfriend often tells me it’s totally okay to cry or to be mad or just have a bad day. I don’t have to pretend I’m alright, and that’s such a reassuring feeling. It’s great to know I have friends like you that I can be real with as well, and that you can be real with all of us! Thanks for sharing that gorgeous smile and your heart with us!!

    Stephanie xx

    1. Omg I love the way you explained that. I actually used to say that I wore an armor, because essentially I had to always appear strong and fearless. But every once in a while, someone would break it and it would crack – and then eventually help me repair it. I think it’s good to cry it out when you really need to! I feel like pretending I’m alright is better because I don’t want to burden others with my feelings haha! But yes, I’m always here for you hehe. XO

  4. Omg this is so inspiring!! Thank you for opening up and sharing with us your personal thoughts. It is so true that we must be authentic and it’s such a liberating feeling. I myself still have a lot to work on in this department, but I’m so glad I’m not alone. This makes me think for sure. Thank you once again!!

  5. You know, I see people doing this all the time, faking it to make it. It is so obvious and a lot of the time I just want to shatter that facade and let them know they don’t have to do this. It’s exhausting. I’d rather they were real and didn’t pretend. I mean, dude, we can not all be at the top of every game all the time. Things happen and you can’t control everything. It’s refreshing when I can get to know someone well enough to say, ‘dude, you are safe with me, cut the act, it’s totally okay to not have it all together.’ Living in the moment and, yes, smiling, is infectious and far more rewarding.
    xx Jenelle
    http://www.inspiringwit.com

  6. I really liked your post. I find that if I start off my day exercising in the morning particularly Cycle Bar, it seems to clear my mind, gets me out of the frame of mind to not be depressed and I can tackle anything. So I really don’t have to fake it till I make it. It just is so rewarding. Excercise is the best medicine. Try it and see the results you can accomplish.

    Xxgracie

    snappedbygracie.com

  7. I actually know that story from when I was a girl! Anyways, I agree that “faking it” forever won’t get you where you want.. While I do have to do it sometimes for the moment, I can’t keep doing it all the time. I’m glad you dissected this topic the way you did. I always enjoy your writing 🙂
    http://www.samanthamariko.com

  8. Another great post Jen! I love this quote and is very similar to think always positive and good things will start happening!I always fake it until I make it jiji! Love this red coat So beautiful

    Xoxo
    Marcy

  9. Love this coat on you. Such a great colour. Fake it until you make it often to me means you put yourself into a mindset that you can do it until you really can do what your mind is set out to do. 🙂 I know it can sound kind of bad otherwise lol But as long as you are working towards the “make it” then I think it’s not bad at all! 🙂

    Xo,
    Miki
    http://mikialamode.com

    1. That’s true but at the same time it also depends how long you’re essentially faking it 😛 if you think that as long as you make it, it’s okay, you might find yourself faking it for years 🙁 but nonetheless, knowing what the right amount of pretending for confidence is best.

  10. No worries; you’re not alone babe. I find myself slipping into sadness from time to time and have to find my way back out before it gets too deep again. All of us who have been through it, understand you. Faking it until you make it definitely isn’t authentic and it ends up being obvious to the people whom you’re faking it to!

    http://www.thebeautybeau.com/

  11. My very first job straight out of college was a marketing/PR job. It was all about faking it until you make it because most of the time I felt like I had to be this gregarious, confident person all the time. I was neither and felt like I wasn’t going to “make it” at the rate I was going. It gets better, trust me. I got real honest with myself, focused on the things I loved doing and know that I’m good at, and I started in that direction. Take it day by day, lovely, and only do the things you love spending time on. I came across this mantra that I love, “If you keep moving forward, you’ll amaze yourself.”

    xoxo, Jo
    http://www.cutandchic.com

    1. Ahhh thanks so much for sharing your own experience. I think this quote can really help people realize their own potential but at the same time staying positive is key!

  12. I’ve tried this concept of faking it till you make it. And I think it works in some situations to an extent. But it’s like CBT. You have to keep doing it and sometimes it’s just not appropriate for the situation. It can be draining because the fakeness gets to you. But sometimes faking certain things can lead to happiness like a smile or laugh like you said. I love the idea of laughing yoga because they really get into it and it’s for your body. That kind of therapy does wonders because you’re attuning your mind and body together. Totally went on a tangent, but I hope you get what I mean haha.

    xx Yasmin
    http://banglesandbungalows.com

    1. Yeah I agree! It works sometimes but sometimes it doesn’t. Finding something you can channel your energy into certainly helps you get through situations!

  13. Not only are you addressing an issue which is extremely common, especially when you live a hectic life. Faking it til you make it is just another way of escaping the essence of the problem and really not a solution to anything. I’m glad I’m seeing pictures of you smiling as that made me smile too. Apart from that I’m wondering what the woman with the green ribbon really was hiding, haha. 🙂
    xoxo
    Thomas

    http://thomasfalkenstedt.com

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